Asking Eric: Friend suddenly unsupportive when life improves

Dear Eric: Over time and with a lot of effort, I worked to build a life I love, with a job I enjoy and great friends, and now I am very happy. Just when I assumed I’d be single forever, I met a partner who I adore.

But my best friend absolutely refuses to acknowledge that I am happy in my new (work) situation and happy in my new relationship. Any time I even try to mention either or talk about anything remotely related they change the subject. This is so hurtful to me.

I can’t tell you how many life milestones I have celebrated and been supportive of with this friend – relationships, relationship drama, a cheating issue, in-law issues, kid issues, work drama, etc.—and I have always tried to be supportive.

Now that I’m in a good place, it feels that our friendship is very one-sided. We talk about what they want to talk about, but they don’t ask me any questions about my life or future. They refuse to acknowledge I am in a different place now.

I’m so hurt that my friend won’t try to talk to me about my current life. I would like them to be a part of my life moving forward but how is this possible under these circumstances?

– Unsupported Friend

Dear Friend: Some people are only happy when it’s raining on you. These foul-weather friends are – perhaps unknowingly – either addicted to the drama or so attached to their own unhappiness that any joy on your part feels like a threat.

Every friendship goes through its changing seasons. Good friends will reacquaint themselves with each other as time goes on. Change is often hard, especially if someone has something unresolved inside. But your friend needs to see you for who you are now.

Have a state-of-the-friendship conversation at a time when you’re feeling calm and centered. Avoid “you always” language. Give specific examples of times when you didn’t feel supported. Ask them if they’re seeing something that you’re not, but don’t be afraid to challenge them on the way they’re perceiving your life. If they can’t celebrate and support who you are now, then your friendship may be best as a thing of the past.