Known for roles in Law & Order and Eight Men Out, actor Jack Merrill recently revealed a terrifying incident from his life that had a profound impact on him. The actor kept this horrific experience a secret for years, sharing it with just a few close friends. Only lately did Merrill find the courage to talk about his experience after decades of putting the memory aside.
Jack Merrill disclosed recently about the notorious serial killer John Wayne Gacy, who killed and r*ped more than thirty young men and boys in the Chicago area in the 1970s, kidnapped and abused him when he was a young man.
Jack Merrill lived in a not-so-happy-home
Even though Jack Merrill was raised in a big, seemingly happy home in Evanston, Illinois, his early years were challenging. His father, Jerome Holtzman, was a prominent sportswriter credited with creating the baseball “save” statistic. But because of his narcissistic mother, living at home felt like “walking on eggshells.”
Merrill used the school as a haven where he made friends and loved socializing. However, he wasn’t very good at academics. He moved out at the age of 17 after an argument with his father one Christmas Eve. He found a small studio apartment in downtown Chicago.
The night of the abduction
Jack Merrill’s life took a bad turn one night when he was 19. He wanted to be an actor but did not know how. At that age, he was making ends meet by working at clubs. One night, a man who appeared to be kind enough gave him a ride after he finished swimming late at the YMCA.
As they drove, however, Merrill sensed something was wrong when the man started speeding through unfamiliar, shady neighborhoods, urging Merrill to lock his door because it was “dangerous.” This man, Merrill would later realize, was John Gacy himself.
The situation took a frightening twist when Gacy pulled out a brown bottle, splashed liquid on a rag, and pressed it against Merrill’s face, causing him to lose consciousness. As they got closer to Gacy’s house, Merrill woke up in handcuffs in a car. He maintained his composure after realizing how deadly Gacy was, trying to lie low.
Merrill recalled, according to People.,
“That’s the way I had survived as a kid—we learned to lie low during my parents’ rages.”
They had reached Gacy’s house, and Merrill could sense he was in real danger. Inside, the house was dark, and every moment heightened his fears. Merrill could feel the danger, yet he knew his best chance of survival was to remain calm and go along with Gacy’s demands.
Jack Merrill’s dangerous encounter with John Wayne Gacy
They talked over beers at the bar positioned in the center of the home after Gacy momentarily took Merrill out of his handcuffs. Merrill made an effort to comply, staying friendly and unthreatening in the hopes of calming his captor. After some time, however, Gacy escorted Merrill to a bedroom and re-handcuffed him.
There, he wrapped Merrill’s neck with a makeshift device composed of a number of ropes and pulleys that were set up to suffocate Merrill if he resisted too hard. At one point, Merrill’s dread became unbearable as he felt himself gasping for air while Gacy r*ped him while shoving a revolver in his mouth.
“I knew if I fought him, I didn’t have much of a chance. I never freaked out or yelled.”
He felt sorry for Gacy on some level as he was a troubled person who couldn’t control his actions. But Merrill’s main focus was to stay calm. He realized that showing fear or resistance would only make this situation more dangerous.
The Law and Order actor could sense that his kidnapper was finally becoming tired. Then, Gacy said abruptly,
“I’ll take you home.”
Merrill was dropped off by Gacy at the location where he had picked him up at five in the morning. Gacy even provided Merrill his phone number before he left, suggesting they could meet again. Merrill dumped the number down the toilet after arriving home, knowing he would never use it.
Despite not being aware that Gacy was a serial killer at the time, Merrill felt a strong unease about him and just wanted to get on with his life. He vowed to forget the event, showered and headed to a local diner. Without allowing the horror to define him, he wished to continue his life.
He wanted to move on after learning the shocking truth
Merrill didn’t learn the terrible reality until several months later. A headline in the Chicago Sun-Times read, “Bodies Found at Suburban Site.” A map of the Cumberland exit off the Kennedy Expressway, which is precisely where Merrill had been taken that evening, was included in the piece.
He called the paper, intending to tell them what he had endured, but when the person on the other end asked his name, Merrill hesitated. He hung up, unable to share his identity because of his father’s role in the press. He thought if the police ever needed him to come forward, he would. Eventually, Gacy was convicted of his crimes, and Merrill knew he’d made the right choice in not letting the incident ruin his life.
Jack Merrill followed the advice given on Oprah’s show
Merrill attempted to move on in the years after his trauma. He went to therapy, but not because of the abduction at first. After learning that his boyfriend had AIDS, he joined a support group and started working through other issues in his life.
He was inspired by Oprah’s show, especially by an episode about forgiveness in which a woman talked about how she was able to forgive her abuser and overcome a violent assault. Merrill eventually found forgiveness for his parents, too, after realizing that he needed to forgive Gacy in order to completely recover from the trauma.
Jack Merrill turned his life around
When Merrill relocated to New York on his 21st birthday, a new chapter in his life began. He attended the NYU drama department and he later, in 1998 co-founded the Off-Broadway company, Naked Angels. For him, acting turned into a form of therapy, a means of facing and expressing his feelings. Through acting, Merrill began to express the honesty and sensitivity he had formerly been compelled to hide.
As he grew older, he came to understand that everyone has experienced trauma and that no one’s suffering is more or less severe than another’s. Merrill feels happy with his growth today. He has created a secure and loving life with his husband of more than 20 years. They have a hairless cat named Felix and a rescue dog named Fred at home. He feels he has transformed the trauma into something worthwhile and is thankful for the journey.
The incident Jack Merrill described sounds like something out of a horror movie, but it was real. Many people struggle to find the strength to move past a trauma like that, but Merrill didn’t let it control his life.
