Dear Eric: Without my awareness, a friend recently took a photo of me with another friend and her dog. It is a shockingly unflattering picture, and the angle exaggerates my size. She texted it to me and the other person, and I immediately responded, begging her to delete the photo, but she had sent it to other people we know. I repeated my request with the phrase “I am NOT Joking.”
Her actions feel mean and embarrassing, and out of nowhere, as I thought we had a good relationship. The picture has reactivated my self-consciousness around my weight and my feeling is she was deliberately making fun of my appearance. I have canceled social plans and opted to stay home since.
I know this reaction is my problem; not seeing myself as others do, I guess. But I can’t seem to “blow it off” the way others advise me to do, and I really don’t want to continue the friendship, I feel that trust is gone. Thoughts or advice?
– Picture Imperfect
Dear Picture: Blame the equipment not the user. From your telling, she wasn’t trying to be malicious – and she likely didn’t see the photo the same way you did. It happens to all of us, but it doesn’t have to haunt you.
I know this is distressing, but please give your friend another chance. Right now, you’re isolating yourself with only your negative thoughts for company. Metaphorically, it’s like you’ve locked yourself in a room papered with this one photo as torment. That’s not healthy and it doesn’t have to be this way.
Accept that this person wouldn’t deliberately take an unflattering photo of you and, even if she could have angled it better or taken another couple of shots for safety, none of us are defined by one snap. If you don’t believe me, Google “unflattering photos of attractive celebrities.” Please don’t let a couple of pixels steal your joy.
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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
