Dear Annie: I just read today’s letter from “Help,” and it deeply resonated with my own experiences. Like “Help,” I had a narcissistic mother and spent years struggling to reconcile my relationship with her while searching for my own happiness and balance.
Living with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is extremely challenging, as it doesn’t improve with time. Those of us on the receiving end are often left adapting, adjusting and ultimately facing relationship issues elsewhere. Though space and distance can’t solve all the problems, it does offer relief from the toxicity.
How can those of us dealing with someone with NPD find peace with our decision to distance ourselves, forgive them without reentering the cycle of abuse and, most importantly, forgive ourselves for making the difficult but necessary choice to walk away? — Walked Away
Dear Walked Away: Remember that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Walking away was your choice, and it’s important to honor that. People are always works in progress, so try to keep an open mind about your decision.
If it feels right to you, consider checking in with your mother from time to time to see if she’s making any efforts to change and improve. Your decision doesn’t have to be permanent — it can evolve over time. However, if she remains the same and continues to make you feel terrible, trust that you made the right choice in walking away.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
