Dear Annie: I have been with my husband since high school, so we’ve been together for 14 years and married for seven. I love him very much, but I’m starting to hate him.
He is angry every day. He comes home from work and doesn’t pay attention to our children. I do all the cleaning in the house. He’s been getting into his religion again; I’m an atheist, so we butt heads a lot.
I’m scared to get a divorce as I feel like that’s drastic, but when I try to talk to him about us not working out, he shuts me down and says nothing while rolling his eyes. We end up both just getting super angry with each other.
Now, I’m not always the easiest to live with either, but I do everything for our kids, and I feel like he doesn’t appreciate that.
Our relationship has just become arguing all the time, and I’m not sure what to do.
Do I end it and take care of our children alone or try to make it work? — Confused and Hurt
Dear Confused: It’s clear that your marriage as it stands isn’t working for you or your husband and it’s time for some sort of change.
Before pursuing anything “drastic,” as you say, you and your husband need to at least attempt couples counseling. For each other’s sake and the sake of your children, it’s worth trying to salvage the family you’ve built, but your husband has to be willing to try, too.
If he continues to resist, then you will have to decide what is best for yourself and the kids. Staying in this unhappy and unhealthy dynamic will only continue to breed more dysfunction.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
