Dear Eric: My brother died too young, at 32. His son was 8 when this happened, and I’d always been in his life. I took more responsibility. As he got older, we spoke on the phone weekly and texted.
Every year on my brother’s birthday, I put up an RIP on Facebook with his photo. At the 20-year mark, I posted a funny story about us as teenagers – we drank some beers, tore up some corn from a farmer’s field and had a “sword fight.” We got caught and had to work on that farm all summer, eventually becoming close with the farmer.
Friends commented “Fun days!”, et cetera. My nephew went ballistic, texting me, “Your FB post has reached millions of people all over the world and now everyone thinks my father was an alcoholic who didn’t respect anyone!” I immediately deleted that story and photo. I apologized to my nephew via text and I mailed a card. (By the way, I do not have millions of FB followers. I have 85!)
I tried to call but he had blocked me. He texted, “Your narcissistic toxicity has resulted in a BLOCK.” A few weeks later, relatives told me this nephew had quit his job of 10 years, yelling that everyone was against him. Friends say that all his recent posts are about betrayal. I am stunned. We have never argued once until this event. I have been like a father to him. Is there anything I can do to repair this relationship?
– Baffled Uncle
Dear Uncle: I am so sorry you’re going through this. What you did sounds like an innocent, and rather heart-warming, way to remember your brother.
I really don’t think that your nephew’s anger is about you. And so, the burden of repair isn’t on you either. What you wrote about your nephew’s behavior – the quitting, the posts – is concerning; he could be experiencing a mental health crisis. There’s no way to know without contact, so you should ask the relatives and friends who can still see his posts to reach out, in person if possible, and check on him.
They don’t need to come as emissaries from you – that might rile him up. Instead, they should express their care and ask him how he’s feeling. Mostly, they should listen to him. That will give them, and you, a better sense of what’s going on and ways that you can help, if need be.
Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
