They say it takes one to know one, so here goes. When I founded Sageworks (now Abrigo), I had not realized how difficult the road to success would be. The reason so many startups fail is that it is extremely difficult to start and grow anything. I was very rough on employees; or, in other words, I was a total jerk at times. I regret it. I knew what I was doing on some level, but the pressure to build something from scratch and have it be successful was enormous, especially when you take investment dollars and therefore owe other people money.
If you look carefully at the DNA of highly successful companies, you see that there is a high level of intensity. Whether it is Musk or Gates or Bezos or Jobs, founders and leaders do have some consistent attributes. On the other hand, all jerks make excuses for their jerkiness. I will say that most of the intensity for me personally was directed at a meaningful target, to build something good that lasts. Or, to build people up and make/help them do things that they might not ordinarily do.
The idea was to create some negatives in order to create something better. A good leader is much like the high school coach who kind of scared you and kind of inspired you at the same time. Yet, the best coaches care about people. Down deep, people really do know your intentions and heart regardless of how you try to mask it.
Today, our leaders have reached a new level of cruelty and nastiness that needs to be considered. For example, I ponder the meaningful objective of insulting someone by falsely labeling them “mentally disabled” and “mentally impaired.” Or, referring to a woman as a “cat lady.” Or, referring to someone as a “pedo guy.” Or, referring to a large swath of Americans as “deplorables.” In searching and trying to find the constructive point of these comments, I’m coming up empty.
In other words, a perversion has developed between harshness directed at encouraging growth and harshness totally directed at demeaning people. The difference is in the intention of the leader. There is a new breed of leader emerging who does not really have a positive endpoint.
What is the benefit of referring to women as cat ladies when possibly those individuals have not had the good fortune to marry someone nice or to have kids. (By the way, has it occurred to you that maybe they have not even had that as an objective? Not everyone shares the same values). Still, the more obvious point here is that there may be some lonely people who you are piling on. In referring to “cat ladies,” how are you building people up, or even winning votes? At some point, you are hurting people simply to be cruel. The truth is you don’t care. You are a bully and probably a coward like all bullies are. I was hoping we all left that stuff behind in middle school.
The real challenge is that we as leaders, whether we like it or not, are absolutely role models to young people or to other leaders. We have the good fortune in life to be in a position to lift people up, not to destroy them or make their lot even harder. And, dangerously too, negative trends take on a life of their own. Leadership is contagious, both good and bad. Take a recent quote by the new head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers, JJ Redick. When asked how he reacts when people criticize him, he said “I really don’t give a (expletive)”. Wow. For me, the noteworthy thing here is not really the statement but the fact that this comment barely made any news at all. It is just accepted. Even as little as 20 years ago, he might have been fired for this. Today, it is “oh well.”
Recently, I read Ron Chernow’s book on Alexander Hamilton (no direct relation to me or similarity except his tendency to use too many words). The Founding Fathers did attack each other harshly and even inappropriately, but they did so with personal risk. While disagreements were common, attacking someone’s integrity or character in the good old days was a matter of honor, and you might be called out in a duel. You could die. There were consequences. Andrew Jackson shot and killed someone who degraded his wife. I suppose going back to dueling might be an extreme solution, but having some consequences would be nice. There is a privileged class of people in America who have been immune from consequences.
If resorting back to dueling won’t work, we have to hope that young people are taught the value of common decency as they grow up.
A Connecticut native, Brian Hamilton is a nationally-recognized entrepreneur and chairman of LiveSwitch. He founded Sageworks (now Abrigo), where he developed an artificial intelligence platform used to help millions of small businesses understand their financial information. He is also the founder of the Brian Hamilton Foundation and Inmates to Entrepreneurs, where he serves as a voice on the power of ownership to transform lives.
