Dear Eric: Regarding Mom Not Mediator, whose adult children complained about each other to her: This has just started happening with my own four children as they reach young adulthood.
It reminds me of my own experience with my two siblings. My parents said nothing. Fast-forward we are all in our 50′s and no one is close.
I am determined to not let this history repeat itself. Whenever one of our children is critical of the other, I stop them and say some version of this: “There is no one more aware of our children’s faults than your dad and me. We love you all equally. There is nothing you could say or tell us about another sibling that would change this. Your dad and I will be gone some day and all you will have is your siblings, please try to love and respect each other regardless of your differences.” It shuts it down and lets them know there will be no favorites. It has actually been working, our last visit with all four kids was quite pleasant.
– Mom of Four
Dear Mom: Good on you for breaking the cycle and giving your kids a healthy reset.
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