Dear Annie: I’ve been married for 22 years, and my husband and I have three teenagers together.
My issue is, I caught my husband cheating three years ago and found out that his affair had lasted six years. He claimed that he wasn’t getting his needs met at home. Nonetheless, it broke my heart and my trust.
I don’t know what I have to do to get past this. I even thought about or wished that someone could just knock it out of my brain. But triggers pop up everywhere. We can’t even watch a show together without someone having an affair, and it just triggers me and ruins the whole night. We continue to work on our marriage, as we both want it to work, but there are some days that I feel like I’m just being stupid and I should just leave.
We’ve tried couples counseling, and that didn’t work well. It just continued to bring up the past, and I didn’t want to. I’m not so sure if it’s the cheating that bothers me so much as the length of time he cheated on me, and how the heck did I not see it for that many years? — Lost in NJ
Dear Lost: Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.
Regaining your husband’s trust is difficult but possible, and unfortunately, it does require bringing up the past. Avoidance will not make you forget.
With the help of a counselor, you need to face the trauma and betrayal you endured so that you can move forward once and for all.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
