Dear Annie: I am a licensed professional counselor who has a private practice in Oklahoma.
I read the letter from “Twice Bitten,” who was terrified to kiss women after his last girlfriend intentionally bit his tongue just to be abusive.
You recommended that he go to therapy to help process the abusive relationship, and I appreciated that, as I feel that it’s always good to seek professional help when needed.
But I wanted to add that sometimes when a person rethinks what happened, they can look at it from a different perspective, and it helps control their reactive emotions connected to the issue.
“Twice Bitten” might want to consider this aspect. As long as you allow your ex’s actions to affect your thought process and reactions, they are controlling you. I absolutely do not allow this in my life by simply thinking about them controlling me and telling myself no one has the right to do that.
This doesn’t always work, but you’d be surprised how often it does. — Kathi H.
Dear Kathi: Sometimes, little adjustments to our thought patterns really can make a big impact.
Thanks for sharing your professional insights.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
