Q. I retired from my job of 15 years as a customer service specialist at a hospital. The organizational changes and new culture were getting to me. Work was my everything – my purpose, friends, structure and income. I feel stuck and just cannot get moving on this thing called retirement. Any suggestions? G.L.
For some, retirement is an easy transition. But not for everyone. The dilemma is when our job becomes our exclusive world.
Work often serves as our primary identity. Julie Norwell from the Barrett Group of career management specialists writes about the differences between how Americans view their work experience compared to the French. She notes that a starter conversation in the U.S. is, “What do you do for a living?”
In France, asking the same question as part of making a new acquaintance is considered vulgar, according to a French art gallery manager she interviewed. The French and Europeans in general “are loath to define themselves by a job,” she writes. In Europe, employment is just one piece of a whole person. The other pieces include family, friends, hobbies, and other interests.
Work also provides us with a sense of purpose. The Japanese have a word for it. It is “ikigai” – a reason to get up in the morning. It’s one of the nine shared characteristics of the longest-lived people identified in Dan Buettner’s study of the Blue Zones.
So where does one begin? Here are a few suggestions to get started:
A retrospective approach. Reflections on one’s work life can be used as a tool in planning for retirement. Consider writing a list of what you loved about your work. That could be the work itself, your co-workers, the physical environment, making a difference or opportunities to grow. And of course, there is the income.
The next step is to circle the top three things you will miss the most in retirement. Having worked with over 25,000 employees on the non-financial aspects of retirement, I can say that income rarely made the top three on the list. Note most of these employees had some retirement savings or 401k accounts. Co-workers, opportunities to learn, the work itself and the variety of experiences more often made the top three.
Next, think about substitutes for what you miss the most. For example, if you miss your co-workers, consider developing new friends or refresh former ones. If it is making a difference, engage in an endeavor that has an impact on children, older adults, literacy, climate, local government and more.
A forward approach. Ask yourself if there is something you always wanted to do or learn, but never had the time while working. That could be raising orchids, traveling, painting, working with children, spending more time with family and friends, becoming a mentor, exercising or taking some classes. Explore something new. And take a risk. Trying something new is not a lifetime commitment. You can change for a new opportunity at any time.
Learning from others. Consider connecting with those you think are experiencing a wonderful retirement, perhaps someone you admire. Talk to them about where you are in the process and if they have any tips to share. You might want to shadow them in how they spend the day. You also might consult a life or retirement coach who can help you think through your priorities and opportunities.
Getting another job is an option. That likely involves using LinkedIn, networking, looking at your skills, interests and availability. It might provide a sense of purpose, interesting work and being socially connected. For some guidance, see https://www.aarp.org/work/job-search/
Enhanced self-care might help you feel better. As much as possible, try to remove financial stress. Also, focus on staying in shape. That means regular exercise which could include walking, yoga or trying something new. Add to that healthy eating and regular medical check-ups. Grow your network of friends and be the initiator. Visit places you love and new ones.
Creating a meaningful, fulfilling and vibrant retirement can be a full-time job, at least in the beginning. For many, it takes a lot of thought, information, reflection and experimentation.
Note most of us are not trained to redefine ourselves in our 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s. However, as people are living longer and healthier lives, the expectations from retirement are high, wanting an equal or more rewarding next chapter compared to the previous one. Many ask, “What’s next?”
Thank you, G.L., for your important question. Developing that next chapter is a journey. Enjoy the ride. Stay well and spread the joy of kindness.
Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at [email protected]. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity
