DEAR HARRIETTE: When the pandemic hit, I gained over 45 pounds. This change was quite noticeable on my body, especially since I am only about 5-foot-2.
My boyfriend, a fitness trainer, has never given me any reason to feel insecure about my body. However, I can’t stop comparing my physique to his clients’ when we work out together, which makes me feel extremely bad about myself.
I am considering switching gyms and hiring a personal trainer, but my boyfriend feels offended because he is already a trainer and doesn’t see the point in me paying someone else.
How can I help him understand that the pressure and shame I feel while working out with him and his clients is hindering my progress and motivation?
— Switching Gyms
DEAR SWITCHING GYMS: You may be able to train with your boyfriend without his clients’ — or any other — eyeballs on you.
Tell your boyfriend you are self-conscious about your weight gain, and you need his understanding and support as you get back on track. That may mean going somewhere else to get back on course.
It is not personal to him. It is personal to you. You need to do this for yourself out of sight of his clients.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of six wonderful children, and I’m struggling to find a balance in spending time equally with each of them.
I recently got remarried to an amazing man who has three children from his previous marriage, and I have three daughters from my prior marriage. Blending our families has been an adjustment for everyone, and while I truly love all of our kids, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed trying to juggle everything.
It seems like no matter how hard I try, there’s just never enough time in the day to give each child the individual attention they need. I want to be a present and involved mother, but it often feels like I’m constantly being pulled in different directions.
I’m worried that I might be unintentionally favoring some kids over others just because of who needs me most at any given moment. Whether it’s helping with homework, attending events or just spending quality time, I always feel like I’m falling short somewhere.
I grew up with eight siblings, and I vividly remember feeling like my parents never had enough time for me. I want my children’s big-family experience to be different.
How can I make sure none of my kids feel like they’re lost in the shuffle?
— The Juggle
DEAR THE JUGGLE: Make a monthly calendar. Carve out times for homework, personal care and other responsibilities for you and the children. Block off times when children can sign up for “Mommy time.”
Notice who is signing up — and who is not.
Devote one hour per week to selecting which child or children need your personal attention. Also, schedule family time when everybody — or most family members — get together and enjoy each other’s company.
Let the family know about your new system, and ask them for input about whether it’s working. Seeing your effort should help them to know how much you care.
You will not be perfect at this, but just do your best and accept that it will be enough.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
