DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was asked to substitute at bridge for someone who said he was ill and could not play. But when I arrived at the game the next day, he was there: He had taken a place at the table and the game had just begun.
A list with my name on it as a substitute was emailed to everyone, but he claimed not to have received it (everyone else had). Should he have relinquished his seat?
GENTLE READER: Allow Miss Manners to pose a different question: Should the original players have gone about their game while ignoring the invited substitute?
Contrary to the usual dynamic, an invitation to fill in creates an obligation in the host. For example, if you answer a plea to come to a dinner party at the last minute to help entertain a difficult guest, the host owes you a different invitation — one that shows that he values your company as well as your assistance.
Yes, the confused player should have yielded his seat to you. At the least, the host could have rotated players, leaving each person a chance to return to the snacks and chat up the dummy. Did they merely ignore you, Miss Manners hopes that you left.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
