DEAR MISS MANNERS: My grandchildren, 10 and 7, are being taught to write thank-you notes by their lovely parents — my son and daughter-in-law, who were also taught this when they were children. My problem is that their thank-you notes for gifts from their grandfather and me are always addressed to me only.
I feel bad on my husband’s account, because he does participate in gift selection and thinks the kids are wonderful. He doesn’t say much, but I think it bothers him. I think the children are left to their own devices to write these notes without the parents monitoring what gets written.
We live 2,000 miles away from this family, and do the best we can to maintain a long-distance relationship. In recent years, between the pandemic and caring for my elderly mother-in-law, visits have been limited. It has been over two years since my husband and I have been able to travel together to see them.
I have visited them without my husband, who doesn’t think he can leave his mom anymore and doesn’t want to go on his own. Therefore, the grandkids know me a lot better than they know Grandpa. It’s just the way it is.
I don’t want to discourage thank-you notes by being critical. How can I approach the parents about reminding the children they have a grandpa, and making sure grandpa is included in these lovely notes?
GENTLE READER: Write a letter back to the children that you and Grandpa are delighted that your presents pleased them. Then include a charming anecdote about how Grandpa helped pick it out, or that he was the one who remembered that travel mugs were a particular interest of Jamie’s.
Miss Manners is certain that Jamie will suddenly find new interest in chatting up Grandpa — so that any further interests get duly noted.
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