DEAR HARRIETTE: I just dropped my daughter off at college last week, and she’s already asking me to come back and pick her up.
She’s saying that college isn’t for her, but she hasn’t even started classes yet.
This has been an emotional time for both of us as I am a single mom and she is my only daughter. She’s always been introverted and has struggled with making friends, so I knew the transition to college life would be challenging for her.
She’s been texting and calling me constantly, saying she feels overwhelmed, lonely and completely out of place.
Part of me wants to rush over there, bring her home and make everything better, but I also know that she needs to figure out this new chapter in her life.
How can I best support my daughter during this tough time? What should I say or do to help her feel more comfortable and give college a fair chance?
— Separation Anxiety
DEAR SEPARATION ANXIETY: Your job as a mother is to teach your child how to be independent and take care of herself.
This is a tough moment, but it is essential for your daughter to learn how to be away from you and still thrive.
Unless you fear that she is unsafe, stand your ground and cheer for her from a distance. Assure her that this difficult moment will pass.
Encourage her to lean into her studies and find extracurricular activities to occupy the rest of her time. She can consider student government, arts or science clubs, or even getting an on-campus job. She should find things to do that put her in the company of other students so that she is forced to interact with them.
Over time, she will meet people who share her interests, but it won’t happen if you allow her to flee school and come home to Mommy.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend’s parents and I used to be on very good terms; I often spent the weekends at their house.
However, the situation changed when my boyfriend’s mother, “Marie,” saw a text conversation between me and his brother’s girlfriend.
My boyfriend’s brother, “Nick,” has three sons with “Lisa,” but he contributes little financially and spends all his money on alcohol.
After their last big fight, which led to their breakup, Lisa confided in me. I advised her to take Nick to family court to seek child support.
Somehow, Marie got ahold of a screenshot of our conversation. She then proceeded to message me, calling me names such as traitor and ungrateful, and said I am no longer welcome at their home.
I feel extremely sad about the whole situation and want to mend things. Is there anything I can do to resolve this?
— Family Situation
DEAR FAMILY SITUATION: While it is unfortunate that Marie saw your text, you didn’t say the wrong thing — her son should step up and accept responsibility for his family.
Perhaps the whole family needs a wake-up call. It is not OK for alcohol or any other distractions to prevent him from supporting his children.
You can apologize to Marie for hurting her feelings as you also point out that there is a crisis occurring in the family that needs to be addressed. You may lose your relationship if your boyfriend doesn’t stand beside you on this, but you will have stood up for what’s right.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
