GATES COUNTY, N.C. (WAVY) — Unless you have lost a child, you cannot know the pain.
“My whole world just kind of shut down at that point,” Crystal Foster said.
The Foster family photo collection portrays a happy bunch of rambunctious boys and a loving mom and dad.
“We’ve always been just very family-oriented,” Foster said. “Family dinners every night. No phones at the table.”
AJ, their middle son, was an honor roll student and competitive athlete, with a grin that gripped the hearts of folks in rural Gates County, where the family lives on a farm. They had room to run even when, in the spring of 2020, the world was on COVID-19 lockdown.
“My husband and I were still working everyday,” she said, “me as a nurse, he works for a septic tank company. Those are the businesses that didn’t close down.”
On May 4, she finished a shift, and then drove home into indescribable horror.
“And I could just see him,” she said. “He was laying in my floor and like, I screamed as I reached the corner.”
She didn’t see the gun at first. AJ was later pronounced dead at the hospital.
“My heart says he would never do such a thing,” Foster said, “but my brain knows, why else would you have a pistol and have it? You know.”
In the rural community of Gates County, many kids learn to hunt and shoot. AJ knew gun safety, but with COVID, no one knew anything.
“And honestly, I think that he got caught up in a moment where he thought he was never going to see his friends again,” Foster said. “He didn’t know what was going to happen from day-to-day, and he just wanted it to go away.”
AJ was just 10 years old and in the 5th grade. He left no note and never cried for help.
Deaths by suicide among children in the U.S. have increased over the past decade. Suicide is now the eighth-leading cause of death in children ages 5 to 11. Researchers have found more than half involved a handgun — mental health concerns were identified in a third, school problems such as suspension or changing schools were identified in another third and a quarter experienced trauma such as abuse or neglect.
However, a study out of the U.K. shows suicide in young people can happen without warning as suicidal ideas may develop rapidly in this age group.
“In my mind, since it’s such a mystery to me, like I just started digging in and trying to learn everything I could about mental health,” Foster said.
Realizing her rural community lacked resources Foster founded the Shine Through Foundation, which brings mental health-based programs to school.
“I know that I would never be able to to save everyone,” Foster said. “But if I could save one parent from having to go through what we’ve gone through, it would mean the world to me.”
Foster also wrote a book, “Finding Purpose in the Darkness; A Mother’s Journey Through Child Loss.” Her goal is to help eliminate stigma and help other parents dealing with this kind of grief to shine through.
“But the truth of the matter is, at the end of the day, I’m just a grieving mom who wants her son back,” she said.
The Shine Through Foundation is hosting a fundraiser later this month to help pay for programs it is planning to bring to Gates County. The Daniel Jordan Band will play at Eason’s Crossroads Ballpark in Gates County on Sept. 28. There will be food trucks there as well. You can buy tickets here.
