Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for 10 years. We have two children and between the kids and our jobs, we are super-busy, but we are making things work.
Recently we had a very rare date night together. We both had a little bit too much to drink, I guess, and we were having the kind of intimate conversation we haven’t had in a long time.
I can’t even remember how this came up, but my wife admitted to me that right after we became engaged, she had a brief fling (that’s how she described it) with her ex. She described it as a “last fling before I got married” sort of thing.
I was completely shocked. Floored, actually.
I don’t want to throw our relationship away over something I know happened a very long time ago, but I’m really having trouble getting past this.
My wife acts like she has unburdened herself and thinks this should be the end of it.
Now I don’t know how to respond. I’m seeking some perspective.
– Shocked Husband
Dear Shocked: Your wife’s “fling” is old news for her. She’s had over 10 years to live with her choice.
For you, this is brand new. She does not have the right to insist that you get over it quickly.
Do not throw your relationship away over this. Do talk about it. You should express everything that you are thinking and feeling, and she should listen and learn from you.
If you find you are holding onto resentment and hard thoughts, a marriage counselor could help to guide you through this.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.